May 7th, 2008

boy with dog

Assembly Elections and Bacchanalian Orgies

With the state assembly elections coming up, a friend of mine called me up frantically and said that there will be no alcohol available on the 8th, 9th and 10th of this month, as alcohol is used as the standard means of buying people's votes.

This closure of watering holes, and restricting the supply of alcohol is a futile exercise as those with enough political clout would've stacked up adequate supplies, anticipating such a move by the election commission.

From what I heard, no retail outlets, pubs or bars would be able to sell alcohol during that time, although this wouldn't necessarily mean that people wouldn't have access to it. Somehow one's urge to drink beer intensifies under circumstances when it is prohibited to partake it. On that premise, the people of Gujrat should be getting drunk on the streets and partying like there is no tomorrow, but that is the stuff dreams are made of.

I've derived guilty pleasure out of drinking beer two days after Dr.Rajkumar died, when there was a state-wide bandh and no alcohol was being sold, and yet another time the same year on Gandhi jayanti, which is supposed to be a 'dry day'. Although the quantity consumed was not copious by anyone's standards, it was more about the cheap thrills derived out of violating rules harmlessly.

My friend who called me up at the beginning of this post is coming down to Mysore this weekend and has this idea of buying beer today, in enough quantities to tide him through until the day it starts flowing freely in the streets again, and wants to use my place in Mysore as a safehouse to stack it all up for his folks would probably not appreciate his industrious behaviour and foresight regarding this particular move.

Nor would mine, but I have some empty attic space to utilize.

Cheers to the elections!
boy with dog

A One Stop Solution to Bangalore's Traffic Woes

Are you ready for this?

This idea is pure gold, but you have to remember that you cannot make an omlette without breaking eggs, and on a similar note , you cannot enforce traffic rules in Bangalore without having a few heads roll. Small price to pay for regulated and smooth flowing of traffic in the city.

There are three main issues that plague people that commute in Bangalore on the roads:
1) speeding rash drivers
2) a complete lack of lane discipline
3) disrespecting traffic signals

Assuming that the speed guards responsible for curtailing the speeding vehicles behave effectively (though we know that most vehicle owners tend to remove it with the help of a skilled mechanic), issue (1) is solved to a reasonable degree.

Issue (2) can be solved by having specific lanes for cyclists, people on motor bikes, cars and buses. Four lanes of variable width, with permission for only those vehicles to ply on them. In order to ensure that vehicles of a particular type don't cross over into another lane, we put into place a fool proof measure that will make people think twice about violating lane discipline.

Barbed wire fences.

Yes. Barbed wire would ensure that people who try to cross over would be poked, and this would provide them with ample motivation to stick to their lanes. Plus, it isn't really that easy to cross over from one lane to another when there is barbed wire put into place to prevent one from doing just that!

Issue (3) can be resolved by having a temporary electrified fence that will hold traffic back at a signal until it turns green. What happens to anyone wanting to jump the traffic signal is something you can figure out for yourself.

Of course, there has to be a reasonable infrastructure upheaval for this to take place, but I am assuming that when a certain Aswath Venkataraman a.k.a Kodhi becomes the supreme dictator of this country, he will overlook the fact that I am a wannabe green terrorist and let me take over the reins of Bangalore city.

Once two or three generations of motorists have been conditioned to drive/ride properly, it will be a beautiful summer day in 2100 when people in Bangalore city can ride their vehicles in peace without losing their heads, after all these disciplinary restrictions have been removed.
boy with dog

Midway through the IPL

The IPL is half done, and the way things are going, Bangalore Royal Challengers seem to be on their way to getting thumped royally.

I had started watching the games with the intent of supporting the Royal Challengers, and then providing support subsequently to the teams based on their distance from Bangalore. Kings XI Punjab is consequently my least favourite team out of the entire bunch, and not just because they are so far away from Bangalore.

Assuming that the IPL is here to stay, I hope that the supporters of the Royal Challengers don't end up feeling dismal about their team's performance, for there are always other subsequent seasons where good stuff can happen to the team. If one is to be eternally optimistic, there is still an outside chance that we might be able to make it to the semi finals. But realistically, the task seems almost impossible, given the circumstances.

On a different note altogether, I was thinking about how Irfan Pathan and Mahela Jayawerdane, who steered Punjab to victory against Bangalore could've done a good job of making the latters' lives miserable at a stage when 12 runs were required off 21 balls.

The pair could've batted slowly, and left it till the last over in which to win the match, something that would've dented their net run rate, but would've given the RCs false hope after which they'd have gone for the kill mercilessly.

It would've been slightly sadistic but fun to watch. More fun, especially considering how the Royal Challengers were butchered so badly when they batted in the first innings of the game.
boy with dog

One Year of Dove Shampoo

I am glad I got rid of my ponytail, for more reasons than I can think of.

Among the usual ones that include saving on time for grooming (not that it had any effect anyway, and was done merely for formality's sake), saving money on shampoo and conditioner and life being more comfortable, I have now discovered one more reason for being thankful that I have short(er) hair right now.

I had switched from Pantene to Dove shampoo after it was recommended by a couple of my woman friends who probably thought I wanted soft, sikly hair that shone with all its glory and all that. It was also recommended by someone who swears by HUL products and asked me to switch to Dove when I made an involuntary public service annoucement of sorts on November 1st about my using Pantene.

To be perfectly honest, I actually liked Dove better and used it, until sanity dawned upon me, and I had a haircut in December last year.

As I was sitting and watching TV the other day, I noticed that with every purchase of Dove, one would get some free jewelry to go along with it. I know for certain that the material would be ersatz, but the very thought of being asked to pick some ear-rings or some pendant from a stash of sorts while standing in line at a supermarket while buying toiletries is mortifying, to say the least.

Long live Dove! But not for me.
boy with dog

If I produced a reality TV show.....

While watching 'Last Comic Standing' on Star World on monday night, one brilliant idea just dawned upon me.

As usual.

What happens in that show, as does in most reality TV shows is that participants are eliminated, and in that long walk of shame that they embark upon when they leave the set of the show, the shot of them walking away is interspersed with their reaction on camera.

What I am about to propose has high entertainment value, although it is probably not the nicest thing to do, but then again, anyone who wants to be part of a reality TV show for whatever reason signs a contract which allows them to be made the butt of all concievable jokes.

A participant interview about their exit is usually conducted after they leave, while the others are interviewed for their reactions subsequently regarding that particular person's departure from the show.

What if a participant was interviewed to account for both scenarios before the verdict was out? Their reactions would have to dislpay both anger and joy at being eliminated or having to stay, respectively, and it would be a field day for the other participants as well as the producers and the camerapersons involved to see how people tone down / step up their reactions to react to the unknown possibilities that face them.

Then they should be made to face a third option instead.

(Evil laughter)
End of post.
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